Tuesday, 4 March 2008

Ladies Matter 2

Raji wonders....

"Why is there a tacit assumption, even to this day, that women need to be juggling both career and home and keep making attempts to achieve the super woman status? Why is an unusually aggressive, career-minded woman looked upon as selfish and self-centered? How come such women almost invariably feel compelled(guilt tripped) to tone down her aspirations and focus on becoming a grihini after the arrival of kids and schooling and parenthood? How come its only a chosen few women who get to have their cake and eat it too? How come most Indian women who are at the helm of their career and making striedes are usually single or divorced? "


Shirsha said...

Raji, here's what I have come to conclude_ Its about sacrificing either way, every way!
-To the all-accomplished woman at the top, the one u found single and divorced, she has made her sacrifices, if nothing she has put up with having to hear a ton of advices all her life am sure!
-Then, the one who has that 'perfect' family, she has definitely sacrificed an exciting job. OR maybe she never ever got to know she might've had a wonderful career(sad!). She gave up right at the start... probably!
-The one who have their cake and eat it too. Oh, I pity them! Imagine walking the tightrope, all through the day, day after day. A small unscheduled breath will topple the fine balance. Sheesh!

I dont know about men, but this is the deal with women. Then again my study set has been only indian women!

lakshmusings said...

I just think its years of conditioning. Another generation and I believe these assumptions will be traded for others. No paradigm shift is possible without the growing pains. We as a generation are at the crossover boundary. I believe attitudes and perceptions will change.

babe said...

Ok, Some how pretty deep down - i sense women seem to judge and decide on their next move from the comfort of their past and experiences. Whereas men tend to be more aggressive and try to make moves using their head and dumb logic etc. I dont mean to say women dont have logic or men dont value experience ..

what i mean is, a women prefers a comfortable feeling when judging about something, rather like every action must be done with a sense of comfort. That is the inbred criterion for women. Unlike men, who are the rash and arrogant actors stemming from their logistic and fast approach.

This base essence seems to immediately contradict with a women trying to be aggressive. I cannot link career-minded and aggressive, for i know women who are calmer but definitely career minded.

You are most likely asking this question from a higher standpoint of view, cos I am a bachelor and would never know the feelings and senses of a parent.

I just thought i will put in some words ..

Anonymous said...

man i love this blog..
as a male feminist I lack insight on many of these questions or their existence, but still do feel that women are treated unfairly differently in the current day...
and now!!!
I can read all this and enlighten myself... just want you all to know that you all are contributing to feminism through this one...

A-kay said...

I tend to agree partly with Laksh - it is years of conditioning and stereotyping. If you take any Indian movies, the successful woman is projected as one who abandoned her family. AFAIK, there is not a single instance of even a fictional portrayal of a woman who has a successful family and career - she has to sacrifice one to accomplish success in the other - that is the way society is conditioned. A man who doesn't spend time with the family for career success is looked upon a successful man, while a woman will be ostracized by her own family if she does that. Not to say that there aren't any, just that the numbers are not in their favor. The rules of the game are not equal for the two. Yet. However, I strongly believe that the rules of the game is changing and we will pretty soon see more successful woman with great family life as well.

This post actually reminds me of a thamizh story that I read long time back by Sujatha (not sure here, I could be wrong) - there lived a couple in chennai with a small kid and both of them were successful IT professionals. Both had interviewed for a job with Intel in the US and a few days later, they get a letter (yes those were the days of snail mail :) ). The father of the husband reads the letter and informs them that the husband has got the job. The couple is thrilled with joy and make plans on how he can move to the US first, and then she can later join him among other things. They reach home and read the letter again, turns out that the wife had actually gotten the job. And when the wife is happy about this, the husband doesn't partake in the happiness and complaints to her how he can't manage the kid alone among other things, and tells her that she should reject the offer.

Don't think things have changed much from that. Sorry for the long post, just touched a chord in me :)

Anonymous said...

because men don't have mammary glands for the babies to suckle on.
think this over. and over again.