Tuesday, 4 March 2008

Ladies Matter 1

Raaga wonders....

"Wanted to deliberate, argue on the importance of procreation. In a country, where millions are orphans, we hear about medical advancement and huge sums of money spent for conceiving!!!! Why is motherhood restricted to having your own baby? Also isnt life complete without a kid? Cant woman move and explore life beyond marriage, kids and still not feel guilty about being career minded.

I believe the path of life we follow need not follow pattern. Am I right??? Or motherhood only completes a woman... "


Shirsha said...

My 2 pennies _
Saying motherhood completes a woman, is like saying rice completes a meal. The satisfaction that comes with having rice is only felt by the one who finds it satisfying. The rest of us can only figure similis and believe that that must be how it is.

So the thing is as long as one doesn't look at 'only' rice as a complete meal, for the whole world, one's ok.

Different things mark a meal 'complete' for different people. If its rice for you, it might be fish for me!

Sowmya said...

Motherhood is not restricted to having your own biological child. A woman who adopts is not in anyway a lesser mother than a woman who gives birth to her own child.

Of course a woman can move on and explore life beyond marriage. One has to be at peace with ones choice, that is what is important.Woman who have kids are not doing that without a choice. In this day and age I think women can very well choose to have children and not let children happen to them. Being a mother is a choice, just like being a career woman is a choice. Finding peace in the choice is the key. That peace completes a woman,nothing else.

Well, atleast that is what I think.

Anonymous said...

Well! I tend to agree with both Shirsha and Sowmya. There are three different things being talked of in the same breath here. Procreation/Own child vs adopted one and living childfree. These issues are deeply personal for me as I battle for my chance at motherhood. Do I believe only having a child will make me complete. Yes! to an extent. Do I think it has to be mine biologically? Yes to an extent. Do I think there is no life beyond having a child that is mine. Not at all. I have morphed from a person consumed at having my own child to one who will definitely welcome a child mine or adopted with the same happiness. Childfree existence does not appeal to me. Yet. However does it mean I will favor adoption over spending money on trying to have one of my own? I am not too sure. If medicine can give me a shot at having one of my own, I'd definitely give it a shot. But having said that I have my boundaries that are defined by how I feel about how much of my life and finances should go towards that end. Once am at that boundary, I will happily cross over to a childfree existence or one with a child I intend adopting. The pain of infertility can only be understood by experiencing it. Just my thoughts.

Anonymous said...

Feeling a fellowship with raaga, sirisha, sowmya and laksh. Thanks ammani for letting people talk these things at your space!

Laksh I am going to be 35 in 4 days and I dont yet feel the pain of infertility, am I abnormal? Gosh, raaga, is artificial methods really expensive!? I havent enquired yet.

I am thinking if I should adopt, I should adopt by May end in 3 months, because I get three months to spend with the kid in summer vacation, before I get lost in the job again. Adoption and career is a very tricky choice isnt it? WOW WOW Angelina Jolie.

But the scariest thought in adoption is dealing with our set of "child profiling" ... will I profile by color, looks, height, eyes, ... Cant deal with the morality dilemma there!!! Adoption isnt easy. Its okay if its my own, I dont profile, hmmm... But I am 35 in less than a week!

The mother who adopted two before having her own, told me, it isnt as fanciful as it seems from outside. She greatly advised me to think about the dark and light sides of motherhood - and its the same mothering your own child or adopted!

Frankly it was too easy to talk about adoption until it came much closer to the real life. :)

Anonymous said...


Really have to agree with you on adoption. Morality, dilemma of choosing one out of many, kid adjusting to a new life style, accepting you as mom.....etc etc

Do men ever think so much. Why is procreation women's topic?

Have been deliberating off late, whether this is worth my time? Does life exist beyond this. Are we followers of age old custom, which says, get married, have baby and then become grandparents.

And yeah, I also fall in the age bracket of more than 30....So discussions are all about it, baby!!!


Laksh said...


Don't think you are abnormal at all. Its a personal thing for sure. I seriously feel/felt a physical longing to be a mom since five-six years back. Going through the infertility roller coaster has in a way helped me realize and focus on the things I do have.

The points you bring up about adoption are the ones keeping me from doing it yet. I know I am not ready yet for such a step till I unlearn my prejudices.

Thanks ammani for sharing your space for this discussion.

Shirsha said...

Leokappi, I have to disagree with you on that point that procreation is women's issue only. Definitely not! I know this bunch of men who think of procreation more than their partners do. In fact their partners dont think much of it at all. So there!

Survivor said...

Assuming anyone can comment on these blogs, my two cents worth...
I have numerous friends who longed for motherhood and have gone different ways of achieving it in spite of the pain and expense. I am in my 30s, no kids and I am very very happy. I think everyone has a right to define their life, a woman more so and I agree 100% with Shirsha on how complete one might feel.
I love kids and would have loved to be a mother, but due to other health issues, I cannot and that doesn't distress me.When the doctor said I could become infertile after my therapy,we just laughed. My motto, happiness is a path , not a destination. Its all in the perspective.